Friday, October 17, 2014

SUBSEQUENT LOVE MIGHT JUST BE BETTER THAN PREVIOUS


So how do I do this again? How do I start an entry without sounding too abrupt?

Maybe for starters..... a short confirmation that Irina is still Irina. She still stands by the principles she believes in. Bruised with life experiences from the past month(s), her views might be much broader now with more varied perspectives.

And before I fill you guys with updates, I just have to point out how incredible you guys truly are. I'm more than impressed by how patient you guys have been, so so understanding and supportive with my hiatus. I'm actually proud that my readers embody such attractive qualities. Simply brilliant human species. Thank you.


Yoohoo, I'm Attached!



Haha. Yes. Unexpected. This news shouldn't be new to you if you've been following my updates on Instagram and read the previous entry. I just want to make it official and thought it'd be nice to share this with y'all. Ain't too sure what to disclose at the moment and where to start, so let's just talk about the elephant in the room: my new relationship status. I've been penning my thoughts here since forever; significantly more personal from the time I found my first love to the time it ended. And here's to second love.


Many say second love triumphs the first. I can't vouch for that yet, but I can see why it can be true. Disclaimer: I'm not imposing my reflections on you guys nor am I implying that the assumptions I made are applicable to everyone but I'm just trying to make a point that if I, the smashed, the tragically imperfect and the skeptic at love could have another go at it again after the damage I experienced from previous relationship, second love could make you feel like anything is in fact, possible. 

It feels a lot more real, a lot less pretentious. I'm not insinuating that it was previously but you know how girls (and guys too!!) are like with the ideals they have in their head. A lot of time guys and girls unknowingly drown each other with their own set of unrealistic expectations and the relationship evolves to become.... something else. Going back to real, I had the thought of keeping this relationship entirely to myself without broadcasting it to the world. If you've been a long-time Irina reader, you'd have realised how much I've cut down on the mushy posts. I thought what potentially spurred me on previously could be the pressure from people. "If they think we can make it, maybe we can and we should stay together" without realising human tendency in comparing their insides to people's outsides. What's on social media is merely a choice of depiction. Now, without your head waaaay up in the air after having a better understanding of what fits in a relationship, you stay rooted and clearer - a lot more aware and in control of the situation and yourself. 


Second love will test your tolerance for change. It feels a little like getting onto bicycle after not riding for years. You'd feel rather shaky and very unsure of your own ability. After all, you were told that you were the defective one in the relationship. How should/would you react to this new pair of hands that's gonna keep you safe? Would the slight differences matter or are they too jarring for your comfort? The size of the palm. The lines on the palm. The texture of the skin. The temperature of the hand. The intensity of the grip. Loving an unfamiliar body might leave you feeling disorientated for a while. Aaaaaaaaand of course, you'd get over it. Loving someone is like riding bicycle; a skill you'll never forget. You'll eventually learn and get used to the quirks of the other and try to embrace them all. Slowly, you'd realise how amazing you are to be so accepting towards the different people you love and loved at the various phases of your life and how that's a reflection of your personal growth. 


He's over at UK pursuing his degree now. I'm dealing with something I never thought I would. I guess that's what love does. It pushes boundaries, and that includes getting you waaay out of your comfort zone. I wouldn't say long distance relationships are the best thing ever but you learn a few new things besides getting better with Skype or FaceTime features. You learn how to fight. Fights where you can't slam the door or tune the other person out or deal with it later - you've to communicate effectively because all you've got is silence on the other end that stretches into sorrys. Through the heartbreaking process, you will also learn to fight back the tears during late night webcam sessions because all you can think about is the countdown that only seems to get longer with time. 


What I am trying to get at is ultimately, your subsequent love might just be better than the previous. It doesn't matter what's lost; what matters is how brave you're to have had love and able to love again after the heartbreak. Others do not define your ability to love. You, only you do. 
And that's a pretty powerful thing. 


7th December. 
Can't wait to see your face at the Arrival Hall.




Goodnight.


29 comments :

  1. Happy for you, Irina! Blessed to be your reader :)

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  2. WELCOME BACK IRINA! (L) WE MISS YOU :(

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    1. Ah, so sorry for always being so so inactive!

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  3. Congrats irina, I've read your blog from your first love to now and I'm so happy that you've found someone who sees how beautiful you are as we all do. I've missed reading your entries!

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    1. Ah, you're so so sweet. Sorry that I'm now a lot more inactive than before. I'll pick up my speed again, I'll try :-)

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  4. Irina, welcome back! Its always a pleasure to read your post again, having a little insight into what's in your life and on your mind. Your words seem to have a calming effect on me. Anyway, congrats and we're all so happy for you!

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    1. Calming effect? Aww, you sound my best friends now. That's what they always say which yes, also has a calming effect on me. Thank you for you kind words.

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  5. aren't chu proud of your bf, he's in oxford right..have u ever felt inferior

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    1. If you keep insisting on looking at how people are better than you, you will never truly understand what it is to love. You shouldn't see your partner as someone who you should compete with us; you should see them who's strengths make up for the things you lack. They complement you. Irina complements me and fills in the gaps of my character. For that, I love her.

      She teaches me things every day as well. How to love, how to accept myself and how to share my world with someone. So forget Oxford, loving her is a school unto itself.

      Yi Ming

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  6. Hi irina, what's the app that you used to ask your boyfriend questions and vice versa?? Btw, you guys are adorable! May your love be an everlasting one :)

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    1. Hi! This is Irina's boyfriend. We are replying you as we Skype now.

      Irina: the app is called the "The Test". Make you reach level 13 like us *laughs shamelessly*
      Yiming: ....

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  7. I'm so happy for you, that you're finally opening up your heart again to let love come in. I know you've been wounded (don't we all) but I'm heartened to know that you've met a great man to mend it. Hehehee all the best, Irina <3. -e

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    1. Hi E!!!!!!!!!!! I've seen the initial 'e' around. Hope you're the same person. Nice hearing from you again and thanks for dropping by :')

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  8. Hi irina, i've been following your updates regularly on instagram and ii don't know why, i felt so happy for you! Being in love and opening yourself to new perspectives. Although we don't know each other personally, but i felt so connected with you and you're a inspiration for me. thank you and keep your updates coming!

    M

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    1. Hi M!! "Regularly" sorry I haven't been fulfilling that. I haven't been as active as I would like. I'm happy that you're happy for us!! Thank you for sharing our joy. Thank you for being so nice to me. I'm blessed to have you around on my page :')

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  9. Irina and Yi Ming, how did you two meet? :) Will you be sharing about your story soon?

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  10. Hey Irina (and possibly Yi Ming),
    As one of your readers I couldn't be more ecstatic that you have found someone who completes you. When I see your posts on instagram, I smile a little inside. Hopefully one day I can leave singledom XD. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story with us!! Looking forward to your upcoming blog posts.
    Em

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  11. Has anyone ever told you that you write beautifully?
    You're probably the only social media influencer that i really really admire and respect a lot, Irina : ) I hope i'd be able to meet you some day on the streets of sg!

    x G

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    1. I beg to differ. I wish I write better than this. I've stopped reading books and I think that's taking a toll on my writing and I should start again soon. Thank you for being so nice, for dropping by to say something nice. Yes, if we do, don't be afraid to say hi! :-)

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  12. Your photos convey their emotions perfectly. I just discovered your blog and have a feeling that I will return continuously :)

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    1. I do hope so too. Though I must admit, I haven't been active ha ha.

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  13. The photo with the couch and the screening of a cooking show, is that a public place? Looks pretty cool.

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    1. It's an exhibition at Singapore Arts Museum :-)

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  14. Hello Irina!
    I started to read all your posts and follow you on social media a month or so ago. I'm not currently in a relationship nor do I think I'm near to getting into one. But I'm really confused and insecure as to what I should do. There's this guy that I met, whom I am starting to grow feelings for. He never told me that he felt the same way, at least not directly. It's always implied. He has never been in a relationship and said something about being scared of getting hurt. I'm scared to get hurt too. I really liked Yiming and your post about Second Love, because I do believe so too. It's really amazing how I can find other people from the other side of the globe that thinks exactly the same as me, even when we are not necessarily the same (personality wise). If I were to date him (and then that's when he could possibly turn into my second love, depending on how it goes--because I do believe, like you, that just because you are in a relationship with someone, it doesn't mean you would eventually love or fall in love with them for sure, to consider them to be your first, or number love), my question is, how do you know he is the right one for you? as in "choosing" your Second Love. Because you said something about how second love is better because you are more conscious about it and it takes lots of courage to take a step and love someone again. Like, I'm scared to even date someone because I'm scared that person is gonna hurt me a lot (I know it's impossible to not get hurt in a relationship, it's just about it being worth it or not), how would I know that someone is the right person to be with, aka my second love? What I mean is, how did you even choose to love your second love when you haven't even dated yet (hence, you dont love him just yet) because you are so freaking damn scared!?

    I'm sorry for posting this, I just wanted to hear from someone who was brave enough to take a second chance in love.

    Thank you for reading~
    -Ely

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    1. Hey Ely,

      Thanks for writing in. To answer your question about... the whole how I know it's Ming, we dated. I have always followed my dating timeframe of 7 to 8 months rather strictly, but Yi Ming and I got together after 4 months. That's because he's proven himself to me - that in any situation there is, he'd take care of me and he really tried and he is still always trying for us. You should know how much he wants it, not just you. It should be mutual.

      When he 'is', your heart will know it and even your toes will feel tingly.

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  15. Hi Irina, my friend posted an article your bf posted on your blog and it was so godsent because I just sent my bf (he's dutch and studying in Holland) off at the airport today and have been feeling like a bucket that keeps overflowing, tearing uncontrollably at everything. Getting to read you and Ming's heartfelt posts about second loves and ldr both of which I can fully relate to, brought me so much peace and comfort. Thank you both for sharing your lives and your hearts with complete strangers. I've been blessed by you both today. I wouldn't dare wish you an absence of pain because I've been told it doesn't get easier with ldr but I wish you both an infinite number of special moments to tide you through the tough times and an unrelenting love that can overcome anything. God bless, <3

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