Wednesday, August 29, 2012


"I am happy."

If you were to see what an awful state I am in right now, you wouldn't believe my answer.
But really, I am happy. In fact, beyond that.

This time of the month got me bad, real bad.
Never been so emotional before during my menstrual period, and today is exception. 
Any conversations, actions, words, gestures, well... really anything could simply trigger me to break into tears and I have no idea why. I got mad and irritated at myself for the lack of emotion control because I feel awfully disgusted for crying at absolutely nothing!

I hate to cry, not knowing what I am crying about!
"Why are you crying, love?"

I have no fucking idea.

Honestly, the hormones fucked me up quite bad this time. I've never been this bad before, and I don't know what to do or how to react. So those girls in TV aren't actually dramatic, but it's real. And, I actually think being in relationship has a part to play in this. I am not pointing finger to my boyfriend, but listen to this: just any sweet-nothing or cheesy talk Jeremy said could send me to tears right away, even the jokes he cracked! How stupid is that?! 
So are you happy or sad, Irina?! 
I don't even know!!! 


I looked so silly! Tear-stained face, puffy eyes smudged with mascaras, messed up hair in loose ponytail. Joke haha. Never did I expect it to be this bad this month, something new huh.
The cramps was bearable but I really couldn't keep up emotionally.

However, I am so glad that Jeremy took it all so well.
Despite the ugly state I was in, he took no notice (though he laughed at first) and showered me with endless love (later). Not that I am blowing my own trumpet about my boyfriend, but what he did today, really deserve some credits. It was waaaaaay out of ... my expectations. 
Never thought I could meet someone like that.
Someone I would potentially marry.

He was amazingly considerate, patient, meticulous and caring.
He held me close, wiped those tears, hugged tighter and hushed gently till I feel fine.
At that moment, I felt like crying even more. 

The setting was so perfect. I've always thought, 
"Oh, how corny of those love novels/dramas to have time stood still. Utter crap right?"
Well, I take back those words, and gladly admit that I was wrong.
Because then, I secretly wish that time could stand still for me, 
to lie there just a minute longer.
A minute.

I never felt so secure in someone's arms before. 
That was probably the security I've lost from the non-existent paternal presence/love 
and have been looking for eversince. 

With his arms wrapped around me, it's like nothing else really matters.
As I lay on his chest listening to his steady heartbeat, I waited for mine to gradually match his.

Oh how, cheesy Irina!!!!

Thank you for reading.
This has been unnecessary, but whatever.

K bye.

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